science fiction | This Will Be Changing

In certain areas of life, a helpful contraption, machine, process, method, etc. to take care of some of those pesky problems we have to face would be immensely helpful. I frequently come up with great ideas for inventions, and if there was actually any chance I could make them, those patents would make me a fortune. Here are some recent ideas:

Pre-sliced tomatoes that stay fresh.
Something that instantly removes cilantro (or other herbs) leaves from stems. Comes with an attachment to chop or mince the leaves if desired.
A device that will instantly transport all bugs out of your house. Where does it send them? I don’t care, as long as I never have to look at any of those many-legged brain-snatching alien bugs again.
A real magic 8 ball. You don’t get to see the future, but it will accurately tell you if something will turn out ok in the end.

I actually think the bug thing is the one I’d most want to be real, but of course this is quite ridiculous. But just imagine. No more fruit flies, instant spider removal, no need to deal with creepy centipede-y icky things. You just press a button and they’re gone. I mean, their natural habitat is outside, so really, it would be helping.

If you see any of these inventions out in the world, please sue the creator for me or alert me, as these are all my intellectual property. 😉

I came across a piece I did last year that is written in the form of emails between a brother and sister. It was my response to an assignment for Recent Innovative Fiction, a writing class I took during my last semester at Bennington College. It was fun to write, and very very experimental in nature. The plot is built on a rather strange premise and developed only as much as I needed to write a few pages. I don’t intend to ever finish it, and it’s not exactly fit to post online, but I want to talk about it briefly, as it is out of the ordinary and, despite its roughness, I am proud of it.

Many interesting considerations go into writing a piece like this. A skeleton of a plot is necessary to begin writing, but the main consideration was form. We concentrated a lot on form in RIF. It’s not enough to simply write a story in an interesting form – if you don’t take advantage of the form you decide to use, you’re missing an opportunity. So I asked myself: what can I do to play with email form? Of course I decided to create a parody of those ridiculous chain letters people send each other. In terms of language, I mostly stuck to the type of language people typically use in email. It makes the more poetic sentences really stand out. And what else? I could have given the characters interesting emails, but I never got around to assigning them email addresses.

The one thing I came up with that would have made this piece very interesting, if it were finished and published, was to get creative with the time stamps. You have to read them carefully in order to spot it. One character’s emails always originate from the same time on the same day, while the other’s are sent at random times, often weeks later than their last. The conversation progresses as if they were talking in real time, but the information they share about their lives indicates that he is stuck in time, while she’s speeding forward. They also relate strange occurrences in their lives, which is meant to be connected to the weird time paradox they seem to be stuck in. I suppose that makes it a sci-fi/fantasy type story. As I wrote I imagined that most people would interpret the weirdness as indications of end-times.

I think that this story could turn out well, but if I do return to it to write more, create a complete piece, it won’t be for a long time. I’d love to hear that people are intrigued by the idea.