Tag Archives: humor

My Crazy Inventions

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In certain areas of life, a helpful contraption, machine, process, method, etc. to take care of some of those pesky problems we have to face would be immensely helpful. I frequently come up with great ideas for inventions, and if there was actually any chance I could make them, those patents would make me a fortune. Here are some recent ideas:

  • Pre-sliced tomatoes that stay fresh.
  • Something that instantly removes cilantro (or other herbs) leaves from stems. Comes with an attachment to chop or mince the leaves if desired.
  • A device that will instantly transport all bugs out of your house. Where does it send them? I don’t care, as long as I never have to look at any of those many-legged brain-snatching alien bugs again.
  •  A real magic 8 ball. You don’t get to see the future, but it will accurately tell you if something will turn out ok in the end.

I actually think the bug thing is the one I’d most want to be real, but of course this is quite ridiculous. But just imagine. No more fruit flies, instant spider removal, no need to deal with creepy centipede-y icky things. You just press a button and they’re gone. I mean, their natural habitat is outside, so really, it would be helping.

If you see any of these inventions out in the world, please sue the creator for me or alert me, as these are all my intellectual property. 😉

Five Things Friday: November 15, 2012

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No to thinking! I’ve been stuck on the What Would I Say? thing today, because absurdity makes me laugh, so, that should be enough explanation of that.

Five of the best statuses from today:

1.

dude. Cheese is an animal product. You’re such a Russian lit class at least 5 years ago.

2.

the clams may have to regret this later.

3.

Must bring more smoothies into multiple gmail accounts, and then I thought, ugh, rain.

4.

Money should move to Boston.

5.

All of English tends toward the approach of the wealth of psychos.

 

This last one is like a line from a hipster poem.

Don’t start using this site if you’re under a pressing deadline or just want to get things done.

NaNoWriMo update sometime in the next few days–hoping I’ll manage to squeeze in a fair bit of writing this weekend. That’s all for now. Just a few more hours and you’re done. My foot joined in! (bonus entry: this keeps coming up when I click the “generate status” button)

A Lesson in Sign Placement

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These posters, found at Mocha Joe’s cafe in Brattleboro, VT, are a wonderful example of unfortunate sign placement. These posters were not intended to be posted together and, I’m assuming, were put up by two different people. However, because they were put right next to each other, the result is pretty awkward.

I guess the enthusiasm can be admired, but there are other–far less creepy–ways to make a dog happy.