Working Through: Foreword

I must have been wandering obliviously for a while to get here, not realizing how far beyond any signposts or streetlights I’d traveled until it was too late. Now, I feel completely stuck and hopelessly adrift at the same time. I’m treading deep water in the dead of night, went up in a hot air balloon alone and the mechanism to get back down is broken. All the things I want in life are crowding for prominence in my mind, but not giving any clues as to how to reach them. And they’re all angry that I haven’t figured it out by now. Meanwhile I’m paralyzed with uncertainty. I don’t know what to try to do first, and there are no indications of what steps to take even when I do pick something. My best solution is to go back in time and take advantage of opportunities I let slip by me (like studying music on a more serious level in college), but that is not a possibility in any of the alternate universes of my life, since all of them are subject to laws of physics.

Are you feeling confused at all, wondering what I’m talking about? I’m with you. If you think I make sense, you’re probably not reading it right. I have lost my ability to really convey my thoughts on the page (or screen). The desire to do so is hiding, on account of feeling incredibly stupid every time I try to open up and share very personal thoughts or feelings.

This simply will not do.

I think that in order to get anywhere, to take any steps toward happiness, contentment, or …I should just stop now… etc., I have to go back and sort through all the thoughts that are holding my back or weighing me down. I need to de-clutter my inner world, so that I can step back and see a real picture, rather than an overwhelming heap of to-dos and wishes. Thus, I have decided to create this series of posts. Some of them will be very serious and possibly depressing. Others might be more fun or even hopeful. We’ll see–once I can distinguish any one picture from another.

This is not a writing project. This is a human project, expressed in writing. But I think it belongs on this blog anyway.

 

Thank you for reading.

Blogging, Balancing, Organizing–My Latest Failings

I’ve been thinking about my blogs as they exist now, and I’m not liking what I perceive.

For one thing, I get almost no comments, and that isn’t necessarily a sign that I’m an unsuccessful blogger, but it makes me feel silly sometimes. “Well, obviously no one’s that interested in what I’m writing, so why bother?”

Why indeed. I started blogging for ME, because I wanted to, because I think it’s a good way to collect my thoughts and possibly connect with an audience, even if not with the sort of pieces I really want to publish. As time goes on and my view counts stay down, and I can never seem to become a “Blogger” (with a capital B because I’d be recognizable and maybe it would even be slightly lucrative), no matter how long I do it, I get discouraged. No one actually starts a blog because they expect it to be a mega-hit. But my constant lack of visibility is essentially the same as never being picked out of the slush pile.

The metaphor may not be appropriate, because I’ve done so little submitting that my work hasn’t had a chance to actually be in slush piles. But the state of being among a huge amount of comparable blogs and never being special enough to be noticed basically puts me in the internet’s slush pile.

It’s confusing to me. How is it I have over 100 followers and usually get only 15 views or less when I post? (Dear WordPress: please fix yourself so that I actually get views when people read my posts.)

I hate when I end up blogging about blogging. Some people write about blogging for a specific reason and it makes sense for them. I only ever do as an apology, really, to myself and the few people who are interested in reading me, when I haven’t been making good use of my blog.

I don’t like the way things are with my blogs right now, both this and the No Recipe Life, and it’s making me feel like creating a brand new blog and starting over. The thought of actually doing so is almost sickening to me. I don’t want to start over yet again. So I am trying to think instead of how to arrange things on my existing blogs so that I can post about whatever I want on whichever platform seems to fit best, and it’s giving me a headache. Many people, I’m sure, would tell me to hire a consultant, but there are several reasons I don’t want to. One of those is that I can do it myself.

Listen to me. Rambling on and on with no point. As always. I’ll end with this, so I don’t just write myself off the end of the world:

Please, readers, keep some faith in me. Don’t unfollow (unless you legitimately don’t like my blog–then it isn’t beneficial for either of us, so by all means, go on your way), don’t skip my posts. Give me some constructive criticism. I care if you like this blog, and my other one. I will get it together. It won’t be today or tomorrow but if you wait a little longer maybe I can create something people will care about.

P.S. Regarding Five Things Fridays–I started doing them with the intention that they would be a way for me to wind down from the week, and attempt to get the writing ball rolling (or something) for the weekend. It turns out Friday nights are not a good time for me to plan to blog regularly, because it’s often a social night for me. In addition, all the cool ideas I had, like posting five flash pieces or five awesome literary quotes, always seem to get sidelined in favor of me complaining about random things from the day or the week. Basically, it’s not serving its purpose for this blog. Thus, I’m going to stop using that form, and I’ll try to come up with another regular post day that will actually focus on writing. I might start FTFing on the other blog, which you should go check out if you want to read my thoughts on food and random stuff.

MORE SNOW?!!!!

Did you hear? Another storm is coming. Ugh. I’m not impressed. I could look on the bright side, I guess, and say that at least it’s not going to be ass-numbingly cold again, but I’m morally opposed to snowstorms.

But it seems like a good time to direct you to my Featured Short Story page, where I wrote a rather low-maintenance piece about snow. I suppose you could call it slipstream or speculative fiction, or even fantasy if you want to go that far, but, I don’t know what I call it exactly. I’d love your input on that, though. So if you haven’t read it yet, go ahead and click over. It’s right there under the blog heading.

Since I update the same page with new stories, it might make more sense for you to comment on this post if you have any thoughts about the story. I would be glad to know anyone’s opinions. Constructive comments are always the most desired.