Think Many Thoughts

Because I haven’t been writing (as usual), but I feel bad about neglecting the blog (bad blogger! No treat for you!), I want to post some of the thoughts that have been running through my head lately. I will not complain about my commute or the MBTA. Just know that I would like to…

The morning needs an extra hour in it. 25-hour days. I need both sleep and time to do stuff, but actually having both is impossible for me. It makes me feel so very put-upon by life. Are there worse things? Sure. But if I had time to just do one productive thing in the morning, I think my days might go better.

My coffee maker is totally inadequate. I want a really good one, maybe Groupon will offer a deal soon.

Speaking of coffee: it would be really cool to be a freelancer and spend so many of my days sitting with my laptop in a coffee shop, sipping a latte or a chai, having finished my allotted food purchase of the day way too early and resisting the urge to buy another… while being productive of course. However, I don’t think this would even be possible, because any time I go into a coffee shop, there is no place to fucking sit. (If my swearing offends you, I am sorry, but it really feels necessary here.) I mean, have you ever actually tried to find a seat at a starbucks? It’s nearly impossible, and there’s always at least one person taking up two or three seats with their stuff or their don’t-come-anywhere-near-me attitude. It’s just selfish. Of course, I’d probably be kind of like that too.

In one of my rooms at Bennington, the desk was just a big plank of wood laid across two bookshelves. Although the lack of drawers was a little annoying, I had so much surface space and all the shelves I needed. I think I’d like to have another desk like that. Or one of those huge ones that turns a corner.

But for now, I could be satisfied with another, wider bookshelf and a shoerack.

I should be writing. I definitely should be writing. Tonight I’m going to write just a few pages. Won’t be too hard.

How do people manage to concentrate at work? I know it’s possible, but it can be so hard, with the very blue sky out the window, random food and drink cravings, and the thoughts that continuously pop into your head, often having nothing to do with the task at hand.

Money is one of the most frustrating aspects of life. I think we should all measure Gross National Happiness, like Bhutan.

And the thought that is almost always floating around in my head, either hovering over everything I’m doing, hanging out in a shadowy corner, or pushing its way to the front: ┬áIt’s certainly possible, in fact it’s likely, that I’m making a fool of myself. I have no idea how it will turn out, and I seem to have no say in it, either. It might come to nothing, leaving me all alone, a little bit emotionally wrecked. But I just can’t help it. The other choice is not an option – maybe I’m just too stubborn to give up, or maybe I’m stupidly hopeful on the basis of nothing at all. Whatever the reason, I am here, and I’m not going anywhere.

The Apocoldlypse

Today in my region, it’s too cold for life. It won’t even get up to 20 degrees and the wind chill will be in the negatives. I honestly don’t think it gets this cold unless hell freezes over.

Even more than being able to sleep in, this is a circumstance that makes me incredibly jealous of people who work from home. Yet another argument for why I should just be a writer.

At home. All cozy.

I’d love to say more, but I have to start getting my layers on so that I can survive going outside.

Strangest Things #7 — Under the Weather

My expectations are low, but my desires are high. The opposition creates a pressure system centered in my head, making my throat tighten and my eyes sting. It condenses wisping thoughts into rain, which escapes from my eyes and runs down my cheeks, tributaries feeding into the unknowable void of the universe.

Happy? New.

It’s a new year again. Obviously. As usual it seems weird that we use a different number to refer to the year, but that’s only because we got used to the number 2012. As they say, “this too shall pass.” …uuugggghhhhhh.

And of course, just at the turn of the year, I start getting a sick. I don’t seem to have any flu symptoms, so I think it’s just a cold. I hope so, anyway, because I can’t afford to be sick. I stayed home today because I needed more sleep and rest and my persistent cough is not conducive to working. I would rather be well and able to go to work, even though it’s so cold out right now that I might actually want to die if I went outside. In addition, living independently means that no one’s going to go out and get me cough medicine, so, kind of screwed there too.

I never make new year’s resolutions because they’re nearly impossible to keep. I have a theory about that. If you’d like to know what it is, comment or send me a message and maybe I’ll post about it. I do think that it will be a good introduction to the new year on this blog if I briefly take stock of my 2012. Aaaaand… go.

 

This year I went to three (?) weddings. Everyone’s jumping on the marriage train… (I’m just kidding. I’m very happy for them.)

I got a new job, editorial assistant for a small publisher. Although it’s not ideal in many ways, I get to hone my editing skills and work on creating books! So it’s good. Also, for the first time (ever, maybe?) I only have one job. It’s not full time and I’m not really making enough money, but, close enough for now, and I’m looking for a way to supplement it.

I wrote very little this past year. I was not a writer in 2012. I would love to say that I will finish a novel or get published this year, but such ideas have not yet actually worked, so I won’t say that I will. I’ll just try.

Other than that, nothing of note really happened in 2012. Some things got better, and other things got worse, so I came out in pretty much the same place. I have ideas for where I want to go from here, but I don’t really see that happening anytime soon.

And now, it’s 2013, which means that I’m going to be turning 26. I’ll be off my mom’s health insurance (thanks for the arbitrary age cutoff, btw), I’ll have complicated taxes this year, and I can’t think of anything in particular to be excited about. So…