In so many ways, February was a bust. I generally look forward to February, but I don’t usually expect to get all that much done. There’s always something distracting about the month… when I was in school it was winter vacation (and wanting to spend as much time in leisure activities as possible), in college it was the end of Field Work Term and the beginning of Spring term.
I didn’t reach my goals for the daily average. I only wrote during a minority of the total days in February, and the end result barely works out to over a page a day. It’s pathetic, if I think about how much I could have gotten done. I had a lot of days of uselessness. I am planning to let it go and focus on writing more from this point so that I can finish at least most of the book by my deadline of tax day. I will publish this book this year. I have decided. But, as usual, I’m behind, so I’ll need to find a way to guarantee productivity…
And then there’s Morning Pages. Remember how I mentioned that I often forgot about them? Well, I forgot about them for approximately two whole weeks – maybe longer. I was keeping my Morning Pages journal downstairs to use while I waited for my coffee to brew. It ended up under the living room table with a pile of my things and I completely forgot it was there. I guess it will take slightly longer than I thought to build up that habit. I will prevail tomorrow!
Now for the life front. In case you wondered, I am still looking for a job. My work at the moment is minimal. I barely get calls and I can’t take all the shifts I’m offered, so I am making a sad excuse for an income at the moment. There seems to be a high likelihood that because I’ve been in this situation for so long, possible employers won’t see any evidence that I can do well working full time in an office… but I think that part of the reason I’ve been so unproductive is that the work I have now never challenges me enough to wake up my brain. I need challenges other than constant stress about finances. Don’t we all?
Someone is always out there to tell you some version of “you create your circumstances.” I am sure there is some truth or other to that, but there are a lot of things I can’t control. I can’t help that what I want isn’t practical at the moment, and the employers that should be recognizing someone worth hiring keep overlooking me… it never used to take me so long to come across the right path. Now it seems like I’m very lost. What’s up with that?