January in Review

Who knows if I’ll continue this through the year, but for now I want to implement a regular look-back into what I’ve been up to, writing-wise. Weekly is far too often, so monthly seems like the perfect option. Since my writing has no real deadlines right now, if I don’t find some way to make myself accountable for doing SOMETHING, I’ll probably just continue to procrastinate.

As far as my Year of Writing challenge goes, I haven’t kept up with it as well as I would have liked. I rarely wrote much more than 1,000 words, which is the daily goal, and I fell short of it too often for my liking. I wrote nothing at all on at least four days. Sometimes I only managed a few hundred. I’m still feeling mildly proud of myself, because for such a long time I wasn’t writing regularly at all. My year so far has been much better than my past writing habits for many years before that. That might be the answer. I’m so out of the habit that it’s just going to take a while to really get back to a productive place, as far as writing is concerned. Still, I’m disappointed that I haven’t been able to do better yet. I’m about 5,000-6,000 words behind at this point, and I don’t like that…

In addition to a few blog posts and random journal-y type things that will never be publicly viewed (I hope), I’ve mainly been working on a retelling of Sleeping Beauty that I think I started writing in 2011. It sat essentially neglected for three to four years and now I’ve finally picked it up again. It felt great to make some progress on one of my old ideas. I have a tendency to hang onto concepts and ideas and story beginnings without ever producing a finished product; this is a bad habit I hope to fix.

Now, this project has stalled. I was trying to work on it yesterday and every sentence I thought of slipped away from me even faster than it came. Looking back now, I wonder–have I actually made progress? I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to completely rework the part of the book I’ve written in the past month when it comes to revisions, because it just doesn’t have a good flow. It seems that I got so caught up in trying to build up the story in a certain way, with the belief that I couldn’t just skip right to the “good parts,” that I let it get bogged down in details that don’t necessarily serve the story. (Instant reaction: OMG I’m a terrible writer! More thoughtful reply: If I were really a terrible writer I wouldn’t realize that the product was bad, and now that I have, I’ll be able to fix it.)

I haven’t quite decided if I’m going to continue writing this story, skipping to the “good parts” to fill in whatever other details might be needed later, or move on to some other projects that have been stewing in my mind. I just came up with a really interesting beginning to a story today, which would probably apply best to a thriller, but I don’t know if I want to write a thriller. I might write through the idea and see where it goes…

Writing something I’m not pleased with always feels like wasted time. In a month, I could have written at least as much GOOD quality stuff, if I had been writing better. This is both very obvious and sort of stupid. (Another one of my bad habits is dwelling on the past, and I have to try very hard to focus on just letting it go and moving forward.) It does no good to grumble about what I could have or should have done in regard to my writing or anything else in life.

Next up: The Shortest Month. February contains my birthday, which usually means a VERY slight uptick in social plans, and while it’s never as exciting or memorable as I want my birthday to be, I appreciate spending time with people who care about me. It also means the least amount of time (by just a few days, but still) between bill due dates. Much less fun. Before you know it, it’ll be over, and we’ll have to trudge through the slowest month that ever existed–March. Gee, I can’t wait.

Writer in the Storm

The Big Blizzard is pretty much done. I’ve been cooped up inside too long and I think that if things were a little different, I would go walking outside. Like if I had someone to walk with me, or if I were making an artistic video of walking in the snow. If I were better at filming, that is something I might do. As it is now, I can predict that my efforts would look like a bad school project. A B at best. More likely a C.

This would have been a good opportunity to hunker down (I’m wondering where that phrase comes from. I have never in my life performed an action that I would think of as “hunkering,” nor have I witnessed it from anyone else as far as I can remember) and spend the day reading and writing. Big storms are excellent excuses to be lost in literature. …But I didn’t. I’ve read a little bit, and I’ve written only the smallest amount today. Not creative work, either, just journaling, thought-dumping, if you will. It’s not even the sort of journal-writing people will want to read if I ever get famous. It is, to be blunt, crap.

I’ve fallen behind a bit in the 365 day challenge. At this point I am several thousand words behind, and I have not been meeting the 1,000 word per day goal regularly. I feel very bad about this–most of all when I didn’t write anything, despite having plenty of time. I look back at the end of the day and I feel that I’ve accomplished nothing, and I wonder how I have managed to waste so much time.

What is the solution? Is there a solution, other than “Just do it, stop whining”? Is there something people do to convince themselves that they can do it, whatever it may be that they’re trying to do?

I had more to say, but I’ve been momentarily distracted and lost it, so I should just stop here and say that if you want to find out what happens, come back in a few weeks or months to see if I ever manage to meet my writing goals! Who knows, maybe I’ll even post my word count next time.

Oh, It’s Winter.

When I woke up today it was snowing. I have very mixed feelings about snow. I think it’s beautiful and if it’s not too cold or too wet or icy, I can really enjoy walking in it. However, I do not like being cold and once the salt has been put down, it starts to look really gross. Here in Boston we have slush more often than real snow–at least, that’s how it’s been for the past few years.

It hasn’t been very snowy this winter. There’s been no accumulation at all, and when it does snow, it’s disappeared within a few days. I prefer a slightly warmer winter, but I wouldn’t argue with a persistent, manageable layer of snow throughout the season.

In honor of the snow, have a look at the short story I’ve had on this page¬†for a pretty long time now. And leave a comment or rate the page if you have any thoughts.

Off to try to be productive…

Ramblings of an Insomniac Writer

It’s 5 a.m. and I am unable to get to sleep. I could keep trying, and I’d end up falling asleep around 6 or 7, and accidentally sleeping until 1 p.m., which would pretty much ruin my plans for the day. So I’ve decided that instead, I’ll just not sleep. This might mean I’ll be too tired to be productive this afternoon, or that I’ll crash really early tonight and sleep through until Saturday morning. The only time I’ve ever pulled a true all-nighter (it wasn’t studying, in case you’re wondering), I slept for about fourteen hours the following night.

There are two upsides to my problem: 1. This gives me the chance to get things done much earlier in the day than I usually would. Prime example: I’m getting some of my daily word count in now, instead of starting in the evening like I usually do. 2. At least I don’t HAVE to be up right now, getting ready for work, or anything like that. I am convinced that it would make the situation far worse if that were the case.

I had a few days so far where I wrote nothing at all, and I was unhappy about it, but there’s no sense dwelling on that kind of thing. More recently I have been doing very well with keeping up with the word count, although I am about 1500 words behind. I’ve been writing all sorts of things. Stories, blog posts, journal-y rants about whatever’s on my mind. I’ve started to get a little farther on the first project I started to work on this year, a novel based rather loosely on Sleeping Beauty that I started years ago. (Side note: I should do a post about my fairy tale rewrites and why I approached them the way I did.) It’s becoming more and more clear that this is not going to be a good first draft. It will need a hell of a lot of revision in the second draft.

I’ve realized that the part of the story I’ve been working on is, in fact, incredibly boring. It’s sort of a between-plot-points spot that will most definitely have to be rewritten, and may end up being scrapped almost entirely. I think that in order to keep my own interest in the story, I have to move it on to when things are actually happening. When I was first writing it, I was enjoying the beginning of the novel. I happen to like exposition, if it is interesting exposition. But even if that’s the case, there comes a point when there’s just too much introduction and it’s not helping the story, it is killing it. So this will have to be remedied, but seeing as this is the first draft of the story, I’m going to let this be something I worry about later. As the outline I wrote a few days ago indicates, it’s not too long after this part of the story when things actually manage to get interesting!

But revising is going to be a bitch.

The End (version 2)

The night you said you loved me, the stars fell into the lake. We sat on a hill watching them approach from the horizon. Pinpricks winked out and tails of flame extinguished themselves in the water. I wondered what would happen when the sky was empty.

You looked into my eyes and I said nothing, but thought if the world is ending, at least you’re holding my hand.

Strangest Things #8

Sometimes it is as if someone is whispering to me from another world. It comes from right next to me, no more than an inch away from my ear, only when I’m alone. If it only happened as I was falling asleep I would assume I imagined it, but it might be any time of the day. The only time I can ever make out a word is when it whispers my name. Maybe someone is trying to talk to me. But they never really succeed.

Writing Year: Week 1, January 1-7

It’s time to recap the first week of the 365k365day challenge! I don’t plan to do this every single week, but I will probably update periodically just so I can have some record of my progress (other than the word tracker).

The Word Count

The first few days I did very well. I wrote just above the goal of 1,000 words. Then, day six came around, and I was so focused on work stuff that I didn’t have any time to write. day seven, I was intending to catch up, but unfortunately I was short of the daily goal, let alone the catch-up goal. Luckily, I even get to count THIS post toward the word count, even if it’s not very eloquent. I still have plenty of time today to write, but the past two days my motivation dropped a lot. I hope I can get it back.

The Projects

So far I’ve mostly been working on the Sleeping Beauty novel I started a few years ago. I haven’t touched it in quite a while, but I have been thinking about it for a few months, so I used my new writing goal as a reason to get back to it … not that I should need one, but you know, you do what you have to. One day when I was at a somewhat boring part of the story, I wrote an outline for the rest of the novel; the next day, most of my word count came from a journaling session that I titled “I don’t feel like writing” or something along those lines. Journaling counts, but I usually like to with a pen and paper, and then I’d have to count the words manually.

For now I plan to continue with Sleeping Beauty. There are a few short stories that I have first drafts of so far, that I’m planning to work on and either publish on this blog or submit somewhere. I’m also thinking I will write a little more of my Helen of Troy novel, but I might still want to do a bit of research first–which is the original reason I set that novel aside after writing the first two chapters. If you want to see what I have so far, you could click on the “Helen” tab above.

I have many other story ideas noted, some of which I am very eager to start, and I have a few blog posts planned as well. Hopefully, as I get back in the habit of writing, I will be writing even more than my daily goal on a regular basis. I might even feel like a real writer again.